Reflections of a Family
by mavjade
Summary: Spoiler for Sacrifice and Inferno! A series of viggies that deal with Mara's death! Viggie III: Sword Jania reaction to missing Mara's funeral.
1. Void

SPOILER WARNING FOR SACRIFICE!!!

I hope this to be a series of Vignettes (though this is more of a drabble) based aroundthe family (but mostly Luke and Ben) dealing with Mara's death.

If you read this before, I'm sorry that this was all jumbled up... I don't know why that happened. Hopefully it is fixed!

This is from Luke's POV.

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_Void_

Pain. Physical and emotional pain.

Luke had felt both of these things over and over again in his life. He wasn't a stranger to these feelings, nor they to him. Finding out that his father was the most hated and feared man in the galaxy was at the top of his emotional ladder. Having his hand cut off by his father and being electrocuted by Force Lighting were at the top of the physical one.

But now as he sits in a ravaged room, his breath coming in gasps from the exertion of tearing the room apart, tears roll down his face; he begins to understand pain. The places in his heart and mind that have always been occupied by his beloved Mara are now a void; dark as a black hole. Every time he tries to access those places, to try and feel her warmth beside him as they lay in their bed, to breath in her wonderful scent, or to recall the feeling of her entering his mind just to say hello , the void tries to pull him in.

He has already fallen in the shallow depths a few times. He finds himself staring at a blank wall for hours. From somewhere he can hear his sister calling his name, trying to rouse him; his brother-in-law trying to make him laugh, but he continues to stare. There is some comfort in this because here he does not think, he does not feel, it is nothing. A part of him wants to fall in for good, wants to be nothing, for that is how he feels without her; but he knows this is something he can not do. Ben has also had a tremendous loss, and needs his father, whether he knows it or not. Luke can not, and will not let Ben lose another parent, be it to death or the void.

So instead he must hope. He hopes that he can imagine hearing her laughing and calling him 'farmboy' or of hearing her frustrated growl of 'Skywalker!' and not feel pain or empty space. But for now he will settle for distraction, and though he knows no one expects him, he has a counsel meeting to attend.


	2. Saber

This is Ben's POV! (point of view)

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_  
Saber_

I awake gasping for breath, sweat pouring down my face, and my heart feels as though it will beat out of my chest. I know that I must have awakened from a dream or vision that I cannot remember; I get the feeling that I don't want to remember. Most of the time when a Force sensitive--especially a Skywalker--is awakened in this manner, something awful is about to happen.

I slow my breathing and heart rate down, and realize that my father hasn't come to check on me, which I find surprising. Although I have lived practically on my own for quite a while now, I have decided to move back into my parents place, not entirely sure if it is for my father's benefit or for my own.

As I start to lay back down I see something that is out of place: my mother's lightsaber is missing from its resting place on my bedside table.

A panicked feeling arises in me once again as I leap out of bed and begin casting about frantically. The lightsaber is more than a mere token possesion belonging to my mother, it is instead a significant anchor to my past. Not so long ago that was a link that I wanted nothing to do with, but now I realize how much it means to me. When I hold the saber I can feel all the hands that have held it and fought with it. I feel my grandfather. I feel my father. Most importantly, I can feel my mother.

When it is in my hands I can still hear her voice scolding me for something I've done, a tone of voice I would never have thought I could miss. I can hear affection for those she loved, emotions and words of which many who did not truly know Mara Jade would think her incapable.

This feeling is something I now treasure. I spent so long running away, trying to get out of my parents shadow, that I couldn't see all that they have done and sacrificed for me. But just when I truly started to understand my mother, even as she had started to understand me, she was taken. By whom, I do not know, though I do have my suspicions.

Finally, after searching, I find the saber in a drawer. I have no idea how it got there. I always put it in the same place--should I need its use--and tonight was no exception.

As I lift the hilt, I find its warmth strange. It is as though someone has been holding it, perhaps even only a few moments ago. I reach out with the Force, but I sense nothing out of place. Perhaps it was my father. I know a part of him wants the lightsaber for himself. He has taken Mom's things and placed them around the apartment, probably so that he can see a part of her wherever he is. But when I retrieved the saber from its resting place on the ground beside my mother's broken body, I knew it was something she would have wanted me to have.

I return the saber to its rightful place and lay back down. As my head hits the pillow, a feeling of warmth surrounds me, and I drift back off to a peaceful slumber.


	3. Sword

This part is from Jania's POV! This is the first time I've really written Jania so I hope she is in character!

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_Sword_

She was more than just someone who had married my uncle; more than merely... aunt. She was more like a guiding light: an infinite source of wisdom. To me she was more of a second mother, or sometimes the sister I never had and of course--always--my Master.

Today is the day of Mara's funeral and I'm on a mission. While it is an important one--something I know I must do--I'm bitter. I knew, even while I was growing up, that being a Jedi would require sacrifice, and that I would frequently find myself in unsavory situations. But this sacrifice, to me, feels too large.

Here I am, alone, though the two men who vie for my affection are right beside me. They know nothing of love.

Right at this moment I should be standing by my uncle, doing all I can; for he needs us all. When I first saw him on Hapes--right after aunt Mara died--he looked completely broken, like the shell of a man shattered by fate. For the first time in my life I wished I was not Force-sensitive, for the sight of him alone was devastating. His Force aura felt... empty.

When Anakin died, I took comfort in being around others that loved him, for we were all there together and could help in supporting one another. This time, however, it is only Uncle Luke and myself; while his pain threatens to take over me and almost literally bring me to my knees. In this moment, those parts remaining within me of the young girl I once was are extinguished and replaced completely with the Sword of the Jedi. Determination to do that which needed to be done takes over and petty spats over my affection become meaningless.

So here I am, on Ossus, a long way from Coruscant; where I would prefer to be, for if I can do anything, it is to honor the memory of my Master and protect part of what she was fighting for.


End file.
